


Impossible to let go.

by tinypeckers



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M, it's not really shippy tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-12
Updated: 2013-10-12
Packaged: 2017-12-29 06:04:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1001867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinypeckers/pseuds/tinypeckers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: um can i request joelay? like a reaper!au where ray is a sick little kid that can see the dead and Joel is his reaper and ray was never meant to see him and then joel cant kill him because he loves him and yeah. this please.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impossible to let go.

The hospital was practically Ray's home by now, it's not like he'd ever been anywhere else for as long as he'd been in his hospital bed. Born too small to be safe and then diagnosed with cancer, Ray was not the healthiest child. The chemo stole his hair and his illness often stole his sleep and yet still, it could never steal his smile. He'd been through hell and back and yet he was always as happy as he'd been the day his mother had taken him to the zoo. Despite all of the animals, Ray had been preoccupied by the rose garden planted by the picnic area. His mother had tried to coax him to buy a stuffed animal from the gift shop and yet Ray insisted that all he'd wanted was a rose. His mother would never forget the kind gardener who took pity on him and cut Ray his own special rose and she'll never forget the smile Ray thanked him with. Mostly because it had stayed plastered on his face ever since.

  
But now that smile was a shadow of what it had once been, because Ray had started to understand what was happening to him. He was eight now and had been blissfully unaware of the effects of all of his visits to this big, white building until visits from family he rarely saw became frequent and the doctors big smiles were replaced with worried, sorrowful expressions. His mother had sat beside him one day, trying to explain to the young boy that he was going to a special place where Mama can't follow. Ray simply shook his head at her, her favourite smile gracing his features as he patted her hand.  
"You don't have to be brave for me Mama, it's okay. I know I'm going to die." He'd said so softly and so confidently that she'd broken down then and there. It was the first time Ray had seen her cry and for a brief moment he allowed himself to feel as scared as she was. But then he smiled, stroking her hair and whispering softly to her because one of them had to be stong.

  
That was before Joel had appeared. Ray had thought he was dreaming at first. He first spotted him late at night, hovering just by the door of his room. Ray had blinked once, twice and then he was gone. He shrugged just before his body shook with the force of a particularly harsh cough. When he'd calmed, he checked once more to see if the strange man was still there before finally settling down. Unknown to him, Joel was just beyond his door with his back pressed against it. He could have sworn that the boy had seen him, but it couldn't be. It was impossible. People couldn't see reapers and yet Joel was sure that the boy had looked directly at him. As Joel began to calm down, he started to see reason. It was obviously a fluke, the boy had probably dreamed of him and that was all. It wasn't the first time and that clearly had to be what happened. The boy couldn't have spotted him.

  
Yet he had. The realization hit Joel like a ton of bricks as he reappeared the next morning. Ray was by himself, idly colouring in a small book gifted to him by the many charities who came to wish him well. He felt someone watching him and he'd looked up to find the man from the night before. He smiled cheerily at him as Joel's eyes widened.  
"Hello!" He called happily, dropping the crayon he'd been cradling to wave at this new, strange intruder. When the man didn't reply, slipping to the floor in shock instead, Ray giggled. "Are you okay?" He asked, shaking his head as Joel stared vacantly ahead of him. Finding his voice, the tall man coughed before speaking up.  
"Y-You can see me?" He stuttered, blinking rapidly as he tried to understand the situation. He was completely and utterly bewildered.

  
Ray giggled again, an adorable sound that could make the grumpiest of people smile.  
"Of course I can, silly." He said playfully before he tilted his head, chewing on his lower lip. "Wait? Is this a game? Are we playing hide and go seek? I love that game!" He cried excitedly, clapping his small hands together. But he stopped short in his excitement, smile falling as he thought about it again. "Wait, it can't be hide and go seek. You're not hiding!" He pointed accusingly at Joel who was still kneeling in shock. Although he couldn't quite believe it, Joel had started to accept that this small, sickly boy could see him. He started to stand, looking anywhere but at Ray as he reached a hand up to rub at his neck.  
"Um, ah yeah. I'm sorry?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow as Ray still stared at him. The boy smiled at him, slowly raising his hand to cover his eyes.  
"I'll give you ten seconds - you better hurry!" The small boys sang, laughing excitedly as he began to count under his breath.

  
It took Joel a second to register what was happening. But once he understood, he found he didn't want to disappoint the small boy. He decided to play the game, quickly rushing behind the long sea green curtain that covered the only window of the room. He stood patiently as Ray counted.  
"Ten!" The eight year old called out, eyes darting around the room in an attempt to find Joel. He spotted the man pretty quickly, but decided that clearly this man wasn't good at hide and go seek and he felt that he ought to at least try to make him feel good. So he did as his mother used to do for him and he pretended he hadn't seen him yet. He pretended to look around the room for a few minutes longer before looking back to the curtain.  
"I found you!" He called out, pointing frantically to where Joel stood. The tall man awkwardly stepped out from behind the curtain, smiling sheepishly at the small boy.  
"Oh no, you found me." He said over dramatically, holding his hands out in surrender.

  
Ray puffed out his chest proudly, practically beaming at Joel before he settled back down again. He patted a spot on his bed, beckoning his new friend over. Joel hesitated before he realized he couldn't do more harm than he already had done. Once Joel was sitting, Ray hand out his ridiculously small hand as though ready to shake Joel's.  
"Hey, I'm Ray." Ray introduced himself and Joel found himself shaking Ray's hand despite how funny the idea had seemed to him not mere seconds before.  
"Hi Ray. I'm... Joel." Joel said slowly, knowing that he really shouldn't be doing this. As a reaper, Joel's job was to help people transition from living to being dead - where they went he had no idea. It was not his job to introduce himself nor play games with whomever he'd been assigned. But Ray could see him and that was unusual and if Joel was honest, he'd admit that he was curious.  
"What are you doing here Joel?" Ray asked innocently.

  
Joel froze. What was he doing here? He was early, for one, Ray hadn't been scheduled to die until later that day. But it was a habit Joel had aquired from doing this job for so long, he liked to see his assigned patrons before he helped them along. It was interesting. But now his small hobby had gotten him in trouble, hadn't it? How could he explain to a child that he was helping him to die? He couldn't, not really. Joel swallowed as Ray kept a curious gaze on him, eyes wide and innocent as he awaited an answer Joel didn't know how to give.  
"I-I'm here to visit." Joel said, nodding to himself. He wasn't lying, not really. Joel wasn't sure why exactly he wasn't lying - it would be easier. Yet there was something about Ray, he felt it would be wrong to lie to the boy. Ray nodded slowly, chewing his lip as he looked away for a moment. Joel was almost heartbroken by the expression his young face held. He looked sad and it seemed to Joel that this was something Ray rarely ever let show.

  
"You're not telling me everything." Ray whispered, so soft and quiet Joel had to struggle to hear him. He swallowed at Ray's words. He'd forgotten, this was a boy who had lived his life in a world where people tip toed around him and offered him only snippets of the truth. How could Joel have thought that Ray wouldn't pick up on what he was doing?  
"It's not important." It was all Joel could think to say, the only words his increasingly numb brain provided him. Ray scoffed at the words, shaking his head bitterly. His eyes met Joel's again and Joel's breath caught in his chest when he spied the small tears lingering at the edge of Ray's eyelids.  
"I'm going to die soon, Joel. Everything is important." Ray said slowly and in that moment he was the most honest and wisest person Joel had ever met.  
"Don't say that." Joel whispered and what was he saying that for? Ray's death was the reason that he was here. In fact, Ray's death was slowly creeping up on them.

  
Ray laughed but there wasn't any humour. A small smile tugged at his lips and he brushed his tears away, forcing a brave face through.  
"Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you can tell me what to do. It's because of adults that I'm not allowed outside." Ray huffed, clearly quite angry that he'd been kept in the dreary, white confined walls of the hospital. Joel couldn't blame him, but he'd never expected Ray to admit that to him of all people. He'd never expected Ray to admit anything to him because Ray and he shouldn't have even been able to talk to each other and yet here they were.  
"You want to go outside?" Joel questioned. His voice was careful, quiet. He felt as though he was prying. Ray took a deep breath, looking longingly towards the window.  
"I want to see the roses." He said.  
"The roses?" Joel asked, why was he tearing up? Why was he so sad all of a sudden? He'd never felt this way before - in fact, Joel rarely felt.

  
Ray looked at him as though he was the dumbest person on earth. He pointed to something on his bedside table. As Joel followed his finger, he realized what it was. It was a rose, but not a real one. It was plastic and tacky. Ray hiccuped, apparently he had been crying and Joel simply hadn't noticed.  
"The roses. I can't have any in here... they die too quickly." Ray said sadly and Joel had to fight the urge to quickly scoop the boy into his arms and cradle him close. Though he doubt it'd help the boy at all. "Mama says there's a very pretty rose garden outside dedicated to me. But I've never seen it, they won't let me." Ray's voice was wavering, he seemed angry again. Joel didn't want Ray to be sad or angry. He wanted him to smile again.  
"I'll take you." He offered, though he wasn't exactly sure how he was going to do that. But the huge, hopeful grin Ray shot is way dissolved any negative thoughts Joel had. He was going to do this even if he really, really shouldn't.

  
It wasn't easy, Joel had to ensure all of the hallways were empty before he could lead Ray out of the building. At one point he'd had to hide Ray in a nearby supply closet, waiting until a few doctors had passed before letting him out. Ray was giggling into his arm, desperately trying to keep calm and when Joel had asked what was so funny Ray had explained that he felt like he was in a spy movie. Joel found it funny too, then. Afterwards Joel made a special show to pretend like they really were spies, rolling around on the hospital as though he was an eight year old boy himself. He helped Ray fend off invisible enemies and hide from very real, very scary doctors. If Joel didn't already know that Ray was a very ill boy, he'd have never of had the faintest of ideas. Ray was excitable, energetic and scarily happy for someone who knew he was dying. Joel liked it. It was refreshing, he'd never had the pleasure of being assigned someone like Ray. They were always so depressed, frail or angry. Joel had never seen someone as happy as Ray.

  
They managed to escape and Ray had been ecstatic to lead Joel to where the roses were. Joel didn't understand how someone who had never been could know where they were until Ray explained his mother had described in full detail his beautiful garden. It was very beautiful indeed, Joel could admit to that. The garden was cornered off, seperated from the busy hospital by a small white picket fence. A sign on the door said 'Ray's Rose Garden' in a fancy font and Ray excitedly pointed it out to Joel.  
"Yeah, I can see it." Joel chuckled, wondering how long he'd been holding Ray's hand as the little boy dragged him into the garden. He revelled in the small gasp that fell from Ray's lips as he took it in. Rose bushes littered the small space in a variety of colours crowded around a bench. Ray skipped over to it, dragging Joel behind him until the pair were seated quite comfortably. Ray beamed up at Joel for a second before he returned to marvelling the garden. Joel watched Ray, smiling at the clear bliss that clouded the young boy's eyes. Joel glanced away for the moment to look at a large clock that decorated the hospital's outside wall. It was time. Joel looked back to Ray, took in the way he couldn't sit still and his gleeful grin, and decided that maybe he could wait another day.

  
It was possible that day turned into two days, then a week and then a month. Actually, years went by. Ray's cancer calmed down, it never went away but he wasn't on the brink of death anymore. He suffered through operations and regular check ups because he felt as though he wasn't alone anymore. He'd learnt that only he could see Joel but it didn't quite bother him. It only mattered that Joel was always there, by his side to hold his hand and sit quietly with him as he tended to his rose garden. Ray felt invincible so long as Joel was by his side. Of course, he'd never know how true that thought really was.


End file.
